Question:

You explained quite well some ideas on how a man can sexually turn on a woman. Now tell me…what does a woman need to do for a man to say, “Wow, She is great in bed”?

Hey Sister!

That’s a great question! Interestingly, I’m just finishing the chapter in the new book (“Being a Man in a Woman’s World II”), entitled “Sex!” which discusses sexual proficiency in men. So, since it’s on my mind, (when isn’t it?), let me offer this:

Most women believe that they are pretty good in bed. In fact, while I’ve had many sexual partners, very few of them have been really great. Further, I’ve talked to a large number of guys with exactly the same experience. So, why the distance between what the women think, and the men know?

There are a number of reasons why:

  • Men don’t usually have as much difficulty extracting pleasure out of sex as women do, and thus aren’t as demanding.
  • Women don’t expect, (and often aren’t expected), to do very much in bed, thus they don’t!
  • While women are focused on the quality of their relationships, they aren’t as focused on the quality or their sexual skills.
  • Men don’t often tell women what they want from them.
  • Women mistakenly think that all men want is the orgasm, when in fact; men have many varied interests in sex
  • Men are taught very early on to focus on the woman rather than themselves.

Friends

So, if you were to distill things down to their most fundamental elements, I believe these are the things that make women great in bed:

  • Enthusiasm – looking forward to sex; both giving AND receiving.
  • Responsibility – taking responsibility for their own pleasure and getting involved with it – not putting all the pressure on their men.
  • Openness – The willingness to talk about what she wants, and to ask what he likes. Then, to really understand what he means and question what she doesn’t.
  • Willingness to experiment with new things.
  • Availability – Being available for sex whenever, and wherever.
  • Involvement – Willingness to do some of the work! Don’t make us do it all – get involved happily and voluntarily.

Some final points are in order:

  • Obviously, different men want different things, but in general, most men enjoy oral sex. Learning to give good oral sex is a duty, not a luxury!
  • Be willing to tell us what you like, and what you don’t. We’re not mind readers, but we DO want to know what curls your toes.
  • If we don’t know, show us! Let’s work together to discover what works for you. We’ll do the same thing in return.
  • If you’re absolutely against something we want to do, we’ll understand, but just not being sure isn’t the same as being dead set against, so be open to new ideas.
  • Tell us your fantasies. We want to know what makes you tingle deep down in your depths.
  • Tell us your limits. We love, and respect you. We don’t want to do anything to hurt you!
  • But, trust us too. We’re probably more experienced sexually than you are! Take advantage of it!
  • Don’t be shy – we’re all adults here. We want to see, touch, taste and feel your body – every part of it.

I hope that helps shed some light on this!