Dragon: Family Boredom Dragons are bored in their families. Sounds terrible (and there is no loss of love), but for better or worse, he has lived with the same people all of his life. The habits, patterns, and relationships by and large have not changed very much. Regardless of divorces, blends and other kinds of modifications, the boy knows enough about his family members, their roles and modes of operation, that he feels like there is nothing else to learn (which is not true) and no growth taking place (true too much of the time). And it’s no fun anymore. Frankly, he’s bored with the whole thing. We like to think we know our children. I think that’s a mistake. Our children know us. They’ve watched us since birth and soaked in every habit, every nuance, every feeling quality, every aspect of our personality. They especially know what sets us off: our “buttons” and they push them relentlessly. Why? Partially because they are bored. In a sense there is nothing better to do so why not get a rise out of mom or dad. It’s a game and it’s fun and it’s predictable and they can win each and every time. If there were a better game in town, an opportunity that was more challenging and engaging to their growth and development, they’d go for it. But most of the time, there isn’t so it’s one more time around the family Monopoly board, pass Go and collect $200.00. From a grownup point of view, it may not make sense. Mom is just trying to get her son to stop ragging on his little sister, or to clean up his room, or do his homework, or empty the dishwasher, or take out the garbage, or shut off the television and go to bed. You get the picture. Perfectly reasonable. For the dragon, the pattern, the way of relating is the same thing he’s been used to for years. Whether it’s nagging, pleading, threatening, bargaining or simply asking. Same program, different day. Its’ boring. For him, it’s a parent and little boy routine that he knows all too well. Nothing new, so let’s light mom’s or dad’s fuse and watch the fireworks. Why in the world would they want to get all the negative attention: the yelling, arguing, and punishment? Partly because it’s better than the alternative; much better: unmitigated boredom. I’ve never met a grownup who likes boredom. In fact, it’s pretty much unanimous that everyone I’ve asked, regardless of age, hates being bored. Teenage boys are no different. What is different is they’re not opposed to “acting out” their boredom. Combine it with the other dragon characteristics and it’s a prescription for problems. Boredom is a very misunderstood phenomena. Common as air, but misunderstood. It is dangerous to the human spirit. It is often met with the idea: keep him “busy” so he won’t get bored. Busy is like aspirin: masks the symptom; no change in the cause. The boredom factor is amplified with the new awareness that is born with puberty: I’m not entirely in the world of play anymore and the grownups are not infallible. It is magnified by the conditioning that culture and society are suppose to provide enough entertainment and stimulation to keep us from being bored. The crowning touch is the virtual absence of socially validating endeavors that are meaningful and purposeful to each boy. In truth, the early stages of the passage into manhood are neglected. ©2010 Ted Braude Youth is wholly experimental. - Robert Louis Stevenson
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